The un-fathered son

This isn’t a plea for special consideration. 

It’s an attempt to explain the effects of fatherlessness on a boy, and how those effects impact the man and through him and his actions, society at large. 

Drug addiction, unnecessary risk taking, sexual promiscuity, suicide, homelessness, and mental health problems are issues affecting us all but they do seem to happen to males more than females. This isn’t a competition, but when there is such a degree of disparity between men and women in so many areas of health and general well being one has to ask the question. Why?

The whole world is screaming about misogyny being a hate crime but the hatred of men doesn’t even feature, men are privileged and women are not! The figures however tell a different story. 

Let’s take homelessness for example. 75% (at least) of homelessness is male homelessness. In a misogynistic world surely this figure would be flipped?  Tell this to a gender feminist and she’ll say something about ‘ The Patriarchy’ and fail to see the flaw in her logic. The patriarchy, the system which supposedly puts more value on men and  masculinity somehow results in more men at the bottom of the human heap. 

Public services available to all, catch women after a fall yet the holes in the net allow men to fall further down and all the way out!

So back to fatherlessness, what’s that got to do with homelessness, drug addiction and suicide? Well quite a lot as it turns out.  

In the past, the distant past, we had no fathers, only mothers. In fact the role of males in sexual reproduction was largely unknown to our magical ancestors. Every male was uncle or brother and we all lived in a feminine, matriarchal,” womb or egg like universe. 

When human groups expanded to the size of a village or small town our Tribal ancestors looked after each other in different ways. Everyone did what they could and took what they needed. Mainly from nature and often from competing villages.

Man and woman was not the only game in this Tribal town and only a select few males became a Father. Very few in fact. DNA reveals the truth of a tribal woman’s choice when it came to  a sexual partner in our limited number of male ancestors. One male, or a limited few, really did get to reproduce with all the viable women.  The rest did not languish in dependency, they contributed and served the whole of life which was again considered feminine in nature. 

The one woman one man policy of our Mythical past and arose alongside agriculture and the patriarchy, the city state and eventually the nation. Fatherhood reached a zenith and not just in the home, in churches too we sang in praise of our Father who art in heaven and quite forgot our mother who art the earth.  Fatherfull, not less we collectively rose and built the modern world with mothers and children at the heart of the home. 

It’s in modernity where fathers start to leave home and get lost to us all. And not just our physical fathers, the one who art in heaven gets, if not killed by modern science at the very least viscously wounded and shunted to the side lines. 

Our earthly fathers depart for work 10,12,14 hours a day and we miss them but two hours of good fathering a day can be enough if mother and father are physically, spiritually and emotionally together. 

Postmodernity sees fatherhood gutted. Hung, drawn and quartered, left to rot on the side of the road with Harpies screeching over the bones. ‘What did fathers ever do for us?’ they scream?’

The State, the soulless yet somehow ‘caring’ entity we have placed at the centre of our world picks up the tab. Paying women to give birth and raise children alone fathers find themselves all too often with nothing useful to do and children especially boys, find themselves with no role model no one to emulate or reject. No one to say no. The State is your father Luke,  and it has a heart of darkness. 

This one had no father, which in a magical world of uncles and brothers would be fine but in a modern world where everyone else’s dad is at home or there on the weekends fatherlessness was terrible for my sense of self worth. Not that it was all bad you understand with every curse comes a blessing . No father equaled freedom! I was free, free to tell policemen and teachers to ‘fuck off’! Free to smash windows and steal from shops! No father to tell me off just a mother without the power to ground me, I was free to steal cars, get a girl pregnant, fail at school, take drugs and free to nearly kill myself. Like I say, with every blessing comes a curse.  

Boys without fathers become men with out boundaries and men without boundaries often end up needing the boundary of expensive prison walls to keep them in line. Cheaper me thinks to pay fathers to do their job?